Moving to France as an Expat: Language, Confidence and Finding Your Feet

Moving to France sounds wonderful: he food, the culture, the beautiful towns and villages, the café terraces…

And it is wonderful. But settling into life in France can also take a little more time than you might expect. I know this from experience.

Over the past 26 years, I have moved to and lived in five different countries. Each time, I have had to start again in some way: a new home, a new job, new routines, new friendships, and sometimes, a new language. Now, for the second time in my adult life, I have moved back to France. You might think that coming home to your own country would be easy. In many ways, it is. I am French, French is my first language, and I understand the culture. Yet, I have still found the transition challenging at times.

Even the French struggle with French bureaucracy!

There is no escaping it: moving to France involves paperwork. Forms, registrations, appointments, online accounts, and letters asking for another document to prove something you thought you had already proved. Even as a native French speaker, I find French bureaucracy tiring. So if you are trying to navigate the same system while also learning French, finding it overwhelming is completely understandable. This is where real-life French becomes so important.

The French you need when you move here isn’t always the French you learned at school. Nobody prepares you for calling an internet provider, talking to your child’s school, understanding an administrative letter, making a doctor’s appointment, dealing with a tradesperson, or trying to explain a problem on the phone while someone speaks French at 100 miles an hour! Sometimes knowing the right sentence at the right moment is far more useful than knowing every grammar rule.

Finding your place takes time

France is not necessarily a country where you immediately feel welcomed into everyone’s social circle. French people can sometimes seem reserved at first. Friendships may take longer to develop than expats expect, particularly if you come from a culture where people are very open and friendly from the first meeting.

I remember experiencing the complete opposite when I moved to New Zealand in 2004. ! It was my second expatriation, after living in England, and one of my first cultural shocks happened in the most ordinary place: a shop. I walked in, and the shop assistant greeted me with a cheerful: “Hey mate, how are you doing today?” I actually turned around, assuming he must be talking to someone behind me. But no. He was talking to me! I remember being genuinely surprised. Mate? He doesn’t even know me!

My very French reaction was something along the lines of: « On n’a pas gardé les cochons ensemble ! » Literally: “We haven’t looked after pigs together!” It’s a wonderfully French expression used when someone is behaving a little too familiarly with you when you barely know each other. Growing up in France, we learn from an early age to say vous to adults and to people we don’t know. There is a certain distance and formality built into our language and our social interactions.

England had already felt less formal to me than France, but New Zealand was on another level. People I had never met spoke to me as though we were already friends. What felt completely normal and welcoming to them initially felt almost too familiar to me. Of course, over time, I came to understand it — and appreciate it. But that little moment in a shop taught me something important about living abroad: We interpret other people’s behaviour through the rules of our own culture. And exactly the same thing can happen when you move to France.

A French person who seems distant may not be unfriendly at all. They may simply be behaving according to a different set of social codes. So don’t mistake that initial reserve for rejection. In my experience, French people often take time to warm up and build trust. But once you’re in, you’re in. The relationships you build can be incredibly strong, loyal, and long-lasting.

Language is about much more than ordering a baguette

This is why learning French isn’t only about ordering a coffee correctly or knowing how to ask for une baguette, s’il vous plaît. Language gives you access to people. It allows you to join conversations, understand the little jokes, chat with other parents at the school gate, speak to your neighbours, and gradually become part of the community around you.

There is also a big difference between classroom French and living in French. You might know your grammar perfectly well and then suddenly find yourself completely lost when the internet installer calls you, someone asks you a question at full speed in the supermarket, or your child’s school sends home a message full of vocabulary you’ve never seen before. That’s normal. Real life doesn’t follow the chapters of a textbook.

Confidence matters more than perfect French

One of the biggest barriers I see with adults learning French is not actually their level. It’s confidence. You don’t need perfect grammar before you start speaking. You don’t need the perfect accent. And you certainly don’t need to wait until you are “fluent” before you start building a life in France. You need enough French to have a go.

There will be awkward moments. There will be times when you don’t understand a word someone has just said. There will probably be conversations you replay afterwards thinking, “That’s what I should have said!” That’s part of learning. Every conversation makes the next one easier.

I’ve been on both sides of the expat experience

Having moved countries several times myself, I know that finding your feet doesn’t happen overnight. I’ve experienced arriving somewhere new as an expat, and I’ve experienced coming home and discovering that even your own country can feel unfamiliar after years abroad. This is also one of the reasons I particularly enjoy working with adults and expats learning French.

Lessons don’t have to revolve around textbook situations. We can work on the French you actually need for your life: making phone calls, talking to neighbours, dealing with administration, communicating with schools, socialising, or simply feeling confident enough to join a conversation.

The Role of Children in the Expat Experience

Having spent most of my 20-year teaching career working in international schools, I also know how big a part children and schooling play in an international move. Choosing a school, understanding a new education system, deciding between local, bilingual, or international education, helping children settle in, dealing with language changes, making friends, and finding the right environment for each child — there is a lot to think about. But that’s a whole article in itself. So I’ll save moving to France with children and choosing the right school for my next post.

Embracing Your New Life in France

For now, if you’ve recently moved to France or you’re preparing to, give yourself time. Learn the French that is useful for your life. Accept that there will be frustrating days, cultural misunderstandings, and probably quite a few funny moments along the way. Most importantly, keep talking, even when your French isn’t perfect. Because settling into France isn’t just about learning how France works.

It’s about finding your place in it.

Tiffany

Need a little help finding your feet?

If you’re moving to France, already settling in, or simply trying to feel more confident with your French, I’m always happy to help. Whether you’re looking for personalised French tuition, need some guidance as you navigate life in France, or simply have a question about language, culture, schools, or settling in, feel free to get in touch.

And if you’d like more practical French tips, expat experiences, and a little insight into life in France, you can also French Horizon Academy on Instagram.

Bienvenue en France and good luck with your new adventure! 🇫🇷